Is Therapy Right For Me?
I receive many calls or emails that include some mention of being nervous or unsure about coming to therapy. I promise, it's not as bad as it seems! A good therapist does much more than sit back and say "um-hmm" and "how does that make you feel". Coming to therapy is not admitting defeat or some sort of illustration that you are defective in some way. It is just the opposite! Entering therapy demonstrates that you recognize that you only get to live THIS EXACT LIFE ONCE and you want to embrace it, enjoy it, and experience it fully. It is never too late, and never wrong to reach out for support.
What if I Don't Know if I Want to Stay Married?
That's okay! I am in the process of getting certified in Discernment Therapy, which is a type of PRE-therapy. It's goal is to help both partners discover if they are able to commit to trying to remain married. It is short-term, 5 sessions, at the end of which you make one of three choices: 1. Keep things as is (remain in limbo). 2. Decide to try marital therapy for a minimum of 6 months (divorce is off the table). 3. Divorce/Separate (obtain referrals to mediators/lawyers/ongoing therapy).
What Should I Look For In A Therapist?
When you choose a therapist, pay attention to whether or not he/she values the therapist/client relationship. Many studies prove that the single most important variable to whether or not therapy will be successful is the "therapeutic relationship/alliance". Simply put - you have to trust your therapist and have a mutual respect between you. There are many of us in this field, some more "book smart" than others. Wade through the high volume of therapists to find someone with whom you connect; this will make you MUCH more likely to dig deep and do the work that you need to do to reshape your life.